Monday, November 30, 2020

Testing photo gallery

 Here I will attempt to share some photos taken by Harry Eckles, which have been recently contact-printed by Bob Eckles from some of the many negatives he inherited from his father.


Nancy making clover chains

Susie, Bob, and Nancy

Nancy enjoying some ice cream


Tuesday, August 18, 2020

Childhood Memories, by Susan Van Kleeck, née Eckles

 Freeport: 1941-1948 -The War Years


I was seven years old when we moved to Freeport.  Although these were the war years, and the names Pearl Harbor, Roosevelt, Churchill and Stalin were later to become familiar to me, World War II was only a background to growing up.  (Nancy, being older, may have had a better understanding of the momentousness of the events and been more affected.)  My information on the war came mostly from black and white Fox-Movietone newsreels at Saturday afternoon movies: helmeted Nazis goose-stepping before the Führer; Mussolini, pork-faced and jowly, a seeming caricature of a villain, rallying his troops in a huge plaza; terrifying (or perhaps terrified) Japanese soldiers screaming and crashing through jungles.  I was not then aware of the Holocaust, the death trains, and the concentration camps, but somehow I “knew” about the Japanese, that they were expert torturers, infamous for devising excruciatingly cruel ways to force prisoners to talk.  One rumored method that struck particular terror to my heart was the jamming of bamboo sticks under a prisoner’s fingernails and then setting the sticks afire.  Whether the Japanese actually did this or not, I do not know, although I know now that it would have been far from the worst form of torture they practiced.  But to me, it was the most horrifying, the one we whispered about, and I could feel the pain under my seven-year-old fingernails. Even today the memory tenses my shoulders and sends shivers down my spine.  

Because we lived in a coastal village on the south shore of Long Island, nighttime blackouts were a continuing feature of the war.  We were warned that enemy submarines, believed to be lurking offshore, could use our house lights to determine strategic locations of wartime installations. In our case, this was the nearby Mitchell Air Force Base.  A single light, we were admonished, could unleash devastation, and whoever failed to adhere to the rules might be branded a traitor.  I worried that if the enemy were close enough to see our lights, mightn’t he just come ashore and capture us?  We were also warned not to give out information about where anyone in the armed forces was stationed.  A ubiquitous poster of the day was a face with a cautionary finger across the lips and the caption: “A Slip of the Lip Could Sink a Ship.”  The weight of civilian responsibility was heavy.

All houses were fitted out with heavy blackout shades, which we were careful to keep closed after dusk.  Our dining room had a large bay window with three shades, at one time painted on by our mother, but also by guests who frequented the Freeport house in those years and were invited to paint on them.  I have wondered what happened to those shades with works by Bradley’s photo-journalist friends, some of whom, like Andreas Feininger, later became well known.  Bradley was an air-raid warden, and wore a white metal helmet as he went about the neighborhood, making sure that everyone had their shades tightly drawn.  

Mother served in a corps of civilian plane spotters and also as a volunteer at Mitchell Air Force Base.  On Saturday nights she drove a canteen truck, carrying food, drink, and women volunteers to the base to entertain the soldiers.  To our disappointment, we were not allowed to go with her in the evenings, no matter how strongly we pleaded.  It wasn't the soldiers we were interested in, but rather the  chance to ride in the truck, with its impressively efficient Pullman-like fittings of stove, refrigerator, sink, and cabinets.  

Food rationing was integral to the war years.  Civilian families were issued monthly ration books containing a limited number of coupons for basic commodities such as sugar and butter, as well as for scarce non-food items: shoes, gasoline, and tires.  In a family of five growing children, the rationing meant that shoes, as well as clothes, were handed down from one child to another.  As for “butter,” what we were actually able to buy was margarine or “oleo.”  Oleo came in a one-pound block and was pure white.  In the box with it was a small yellow tablet of food coloring, which we kneaded into the oleo to give it the proper butter-yellow color.  There was no noticeable lack of sugar, but of course I wasn’t the cook and perhaps not aware of the substitutions Mother may have made.  Maybe we didn’t use much—I don’t recall desserts as a feature of the meals I remember from those years, not the way I remember oatmeal, red beans and rice, and ham and chicken gumbos.  Perhaps, with Josie and Daddy’s [Bradley’s parents] coupons as part of the household ration, we simply had enough sugar. Daddy Smith was, or became, an expert fudge-maker, and sugar was clearly needed for that, but that may have been after the war.  I had heard, but only vaguely understood, talk of “the black market.”   I don't know if we ever acquired any extra rations that way, although bartering was permissible.  If you didn’t want your sugar ration but pined for more coffee, an exchange with friends or neighbors could be arranged.

Air raid drills were a regular exercise in school.  Although we soon became quite blasé about them, we responded rapidly to the sound of the air raid siren.  The teachers moved urgently about, lining us up in orderly single file and shepherding us into the halls where we would sit on the floor, backs against the wall, knees up, heads bent over our knees, hands clasped behind our heads.  We retained that posture--or risked a not-so-gentle warning rap on the shoulder--until the all-clear sounded.  The school also helped to organize our contributions to the war effort.  Students were encouraged to buy war bonds on the installment plan by buying ten-cent savings stamps once a week and pasting them in a war bond booklet.   There were weeks when I didn’t have ten cents and suffered humiliation at not being able to march up to the teacher’s desk with the others, present my dime, and receive a stamp in my booklet.  When we had saved approximately $18, we had enough to purchase a $25 bond.  Girls and boys alike were also encouraged to knit squares that were later sewn together by some higher authority, perhaps the Red Cross, to make blankets.  These were destined for those in England made homeless by the war.  We heard much about “Bundles for Britain” and in my mind’s eye I pictured stacks of multicolored squares, knit by American school children, tied up in bales to be transported by troop ship to our counterparts in England, whom we had seen in the newsreels, huddled in air raid shelters, wide-eyed and clinging to their parents.

And that was my experience of World War II, except for occasional broadcasts when I happened into the living room as Mother or Bradley or Josie or Daddy were listening to Edward R. Murrow from London.  Murrow’s voice was memorable even if the events he recounted seemed unrelated to our relatively carefree childhood.  We knew, personally, no one who was in the war, except my father’s younger brother, LeMoyne, who lived in the mid-West and was rarely seen.  The news reports, the battles lost or won, the casualties---all happened in a time and place very distant from our own lives.  It was years later before I became fully aware of the severity of the Blitz in England, of Normandy and D-Day, of Dresden, and so many other significant events and battles of the war. 



More about Freeport:  1941-1948

When we arrived in Freeport, we moved into a large frame dwelling at 229 Whaley Street, on the south side of town.  Even today I can remember almost every square inch of that spacious, comfortable house, with its high ceilings, large rooms, wrap-around front porch, and ample yard.  In the mid-80s, a friend who had business in Freeport went, at my bidding, to Whaley Street and sent me a photograph of the house.  Surprisingly, it looked just as large as I remembered—and in rather better condition—unlike the New Orleans house, visited after my marriage in 1953, which defied my memory, so reduced in size was it compared to my recollections.  

The Whaley Street house was entered through a vestibule, where Nancy and I would pause before going to school to remove the knee-length, pink cotton drawers that Mother had convinced herself would keep us from being laid low by the viruses of winter.  The vestibule led into a large entry hall with a stairway that made a 90-degree turn about two-thirds of the way up. This area was notable for two reasons:  Terry and Michael, in their never-ending role of bratty little brothers, used to wait for my boyfriends to come in the front door and then spit down on them.  The second reason stemmed from Mother's decision to have the hall wall-papered and her hiring of a paperhanger.  The wall was a map of the world print, and she was very pleased with the result.  Unfortunately, the following day, the paper had begun to peel off and hung in sorry-looking limp strips. Mother resolved the matter by heading off to the Nassau County Court in Mineola to sue the paperhanger in small claims court.  She was awarded $50, but I don't recall what happened afterward.    

Downstairs there were two living rooms, divided by sliding doors that served as curtains for our theatrical productions, the “stage” being in the rear room.  Off the back living room there were a dining room, and a kitchen with two pantries, and a back stoop where the milkman left milk in glass bottles in an insulated tin box.  Despite the insulation, the milk would freeze in the winter, thrusting the yellow cream, and its crimped silver cap, up over the top.  The kitchen had door that led to the basement, which housed the furnace and a large coal storage bin, and Bradley’s darkroom.  Coal delivery was a neighborhood event.  The driver would pull the truck into our driveway, open a basement window, and position a chute from the truck through the window into the coal bin.  All the nearby children would gather to watch and listen as the shiny, black coal rattled down the tin chute.  We sighed as it gradually slowed down, signaling the end of that mesmerizing procedure, and turned our attention back to whatever game was at hand.

Upstairs were five bedrooms, plus two more in a large attic.  Although I can only recall one bathroom—here my memory fails—I feel sure there must have been at least another half-bath somewhere.  There were nine of us, including Josie and Daddy, and in the summers sometimes eleven, when Steve and Bobby were there. The number and cast of characters varied, but many friends of my parents were often with us on weekends, and full occupancy of the seven bedrooms was the norm.  A memorable incident, which remains a family joke, occurred when photographer Ewing Krainin, on one of his early visits, was spending the weekend with a current girlfriend (they were invariably models he had met during the course of business, and consistently beautiful).  Josie and Daddy had a bedroom in the attic, and there was a second guest bedroom that had been assigned to Ewing.  Thus it happened that one night Ewing, after a hot shower in the second-floor bathroom, wrapped himself in a towel, scrambled up the stairs to the attic, threw open the door to the bedroom he thought was his, and announced, “Here I am—all sweet and clean and ready for love!”  Unfortunately it was the wrong door, and his declaration was made to an astonished Josie.   Even now, years later, “Here I am—all sweet and clean….” remains the punch line that brings a smile to those of us who knew Ewing.

Ewing’s other contribution to family “tag lines” came from a business card that he had printed with Japanese characters and text on one side and on the other, in English, “Hooray, hooray, the first of May! Outdoor fucking starts today.”  In our family, one only has to say “Hooray, hooray….” and the meaning is clear.  Of all the many guests who became part of our extended family in those days, Ewing was decidedly the most colorful and memorable.  He traveled on assignment to faraway places and always arrived on Christmas Eve with a suitcase laden with exotic gifts that he would wrap crudely in newspaper and mark for each of us.  There were Indian saris, golden boxes in the shape of swans from Bangkok, lengths of colorful material from Burma and Africa, jewelry and perfume. But one gift from Ewing in early Freeport days that I'll never forget was an enormous, commercial-size jar---maybe 2 gallons---of black olives.  Never had I seen so many olives!  Somehow he had discovered my bliss.  It was thrilling, and I felt very special that Christmas.   

Ewing  rarely stayed long and he frequently amazed us by letting us examine his airline tickets, which were folded, not stapled together the way they are today.  He would hold the ticket high and let it unfold like an accordion until it reached the floor.  We would peer at all the foreign destinations—Lisbon, Madrid, Paris, London, Brussels, Amsterdam, Athens, Jakarta, Rangoon, Hong Kong, Cairo, Zanzibar—and could barely imagine such thrilling adventures as his tickets offered.  A final word about Ewing: it was from him that I first heard the word “sexy.”  I didn’t know what it meant but I was able to glean a sense of its sensuousness.  He and one of his girlfriends, Skye Patrick, sat at the breakfast table one weekend morning, wearing identical red flannel shirts, eating and obviously enjoying some cantaloupe that my mother had served.  The cantaloupes were fragrant and sweet as nectar, with tender, juicy flesh.  Ewing, bright-eyed, smiled and pronounced the melons “sexy.”  Like a scene from Tom Jones, he and Skye looked at each other, slurping and smiling with a pleasure that clearly came from more than the food.  Ewing continued to be central to our Christmases even when we later moved to Brookfield Center.  

Bradley’s sister Evelyn and her husband Dave, and Dave’s son-by-a-former-marriage, Bruce, were also frequent visitors.  From Bruce I first heard the word “piss,” which I thought shocking but pleasing in its daring.  I tucked it away for future reference.  Bruce initiated my younger brothers, Terry and Michael, into the joys of the pissing contest.  There was a large section of fallen tree trunk in the back yard, where Bruce would line up a row of half a dozen tin can targets.  The goal was to aim their streams at the cans and knock them off the log.  Having two girls as audience heightened Bruce’s bravado, and, as he was the oldest boy, he always won.  Much later I learned that American men might revisit this childhood game.  A Dutch firm was awarded a contract to manage the JFK Arrivals building in New York, and proposed having a black fly etched into each of the building’s porcelain urinals, a design element that in the Amsterdam Airport has encouraged users to hit the target,  thereby reduced spillage by a not inconsequential 80 percent.  Even boys will be boys, apparently, even  big boys.

When we arrived in Freeport in the early summer of 1941, I was soon to enter the third grade at Archer Street School. The school was a short walk from our Whaley Street house, about three blocks, close enough to come home for lunch everyday; no lunch offered at school.    My teacher’s name was Mrs. Dings.  It did not occur to us then, although it did later, to make fun of the name; rather we treated her with the unquestioned respect that was the norm for those times and for our ages.  Mrs. Dings was a kindly, placid sort, with short, wavy gray hair and a pink, well-powdered, complexion.  She was probably in her early fifties.  She was a bit dull, but we liked her, followed her instructions, learned our arithmetic tables, and improved our reading skills.  For me, it was a year of adapting to the new neighborhood, the new school, the playground etiquette, and of making friends.  The relative freedom of Archer Street School vis à vis the Catholic school I’d previously attended was distinctly liberating. As I mentioned earlier, WWII was something in the background.

I had many friends and few enemies.  My two best friends were Laura Jean Vought, who lived behind us on the next street, and Mary Cleary, a twin from a family of 12 children (a 13th died shortly after birth, my first attenuated encounter with death), who lived two blocks away.  Laura Jean’s angelic looks were belied by her lively, impish personality.  Her yellow hair was thick and curly, and she had a deep dimple in her right cheek.  In our home theatrical productions, she was inevitably the female lead, most notably in The Purple-Haired Princess, an early artwork inspired by recycling the purple grass from our Easter Baskets.  It featured Laura Jean in a borrowed gown, her crowning glory tucked into a hair net and hidden by purple shredded cellophane.  The uncritical, enthusiastic audience consisted of parents and other neighborhood children; standard admission was a few cents.  Laura Jean had a false front tooth, the result of an accident just after her permanent teeth came in, and she was able to slid the fake tooth in and out at will with her tongue, displaying a dark empty space in the midst of her otherwise dazzling smile.  This moveable tooth was unknown to most, and it was only after I became her best friend that I was permitted to see it.  At school sometimes she would catch my eye and slip her tooth out, grinning wickedly.  This was guaranteed to crack me up, and nearly uncontrollable giggles would have to be swallowed lest the teacher look my way.  Laura Jean was my right-brain companion: we made up stories, invented practical jokes and dare-devilish games, and acted out of our imaginations.  

By comparison my friend Mary Cleary was plain, but her strong sculptural face was handsome, cheekbones sprinkled with very fine freckles, a straight nose, slightly upturned at the tip.  Her hair was straight, shoulder-length, and the color of pale ginger; her eyes velvety brown, her mouth wide, her teeth even, and her smile friendly.  There was a knowledgeable and self-sufficient air about her.  Mary was among the oldest in her large family, solid and unspoiled.  (Her twin, Johnny, was smaller, with unexceptional brown hair, and in appearance shared only the straight nose and freckles.)  Mary was a practical companion.  We played outdoor games, gathered rocks, studied together, completed simple tasks for her mother, Rose, and helped to care for her younger brothers and sisters.  Chores at a friend’s house held a certain exoticism and never seemed like work, much to my own mother’s exasperation, she later confided, when I would come home and bubble, “Oh, we had a wonderful time at Mary’s house! We washed the dishes! (or hung out the laundry, or folded the diapers, etc.).”

Laura Jean and Mary were the closest of a neighborhood of friends and companions.  When I think now of my own children and realize that one was entering third grade when we moved to Red Hook, as I was when we moved to Freeport, and consider how different the  rural environment was from the one into which I moved at the same age, I often wonder at the difference it has made in their lives---whether for better or worse.  My older sister, brothers, and I briefly experienced a rural environment in Hot Springs, but in Freeport we were surrounded by neighbors and playmates.  Next door were the four Philbin children.  Janet Philbin was distinguished in our young circle by having contracted ringworm on her scalp and having to have her head shaved.  This, we all agreed, was a disaster.  But when her pale brown, formerly straight, hair grew back in, it was curly!  As I had often bemoaned my own straight hair, I was very tempted to apply scissors and razor to my head to see if it would regrow into curls.  In the end, vanity prevented me from accepting the need to go to school with a cap on my head for the weeks it would take to see if the experiment worked, so I abandoned the idea and in my adolescence pursued curls through Toni home permanents, which never lasted more than a few weeks on my wiry, resistant hair.

In addition to the Philbins, there was Bobby Doxsee, who lived behind us and whose family garage was sufficiently close to an apple tree in our back yard that we could climb the tree, hop over to the garage roof, and jump the nine or ten feet to the ground.  We all did it, the older ones sooner than the younger ones, and took great pride in surviving the shock that echoed up our shins as our feet hit the hard earth.  It continues to astonish me that with six children over the years, no one ever broke an arm or a leg, although Mother’s leg was later broken when she was kicked by a horse. Terry, too, as a teenager, was in a serious accident involving a horse in which he broke no bones but lost a spleen.

Catty-cornered from us was a large house owned by the Weinstein family.  Sandy, my contemporary, was an only son whose father was the proprietor of the neighborhood candy store on Bayview Avenue.  It was known simply as “the candy store,” and was where we all converged to carefully spend our allowances, or any money that might otherwise have come into our possession.  It was a time when a few pennies would buy an astonishing assortment of sweets: small packages of Necco wafers, dots (round dots of colored sugar on long, white paper strips, perhaps fifty or more dots for a penny), chocolate cigarettes covered in white paper with gold tips, tiny tootsie rolls, stick candy in all flavors, ropes of twisted licorice (red or black), cinnamon-red hots, nonpareils.  Ice cream cones could also be purchased if one were flush, and, during a period when Sandy was my “boyfriend,” he would take my cone behind the counter and dip it—without charge—into a glass jar of chocolate sprinkles.  Peach ice cream with chocolate sprinkles was my unswerving choice and delight.  

Adult neighbors were also part of our lives in various ways.  Directly across the street lived Marita and Derf Higman, a childless couple who were good, if not close, friends of our family.  Theirs was a neat, rather formal, house, a place we could go without hesitation in an emergency.  I was impressed by Derf’s position as a clarinet player in the Guy Lombardo Orchestra.  Here was a real person whom I actually knew and whom I could listen to on the radio. Every New Year’s Eve, we listened faithfully at midnight to hear them play Auld Lang Syne.  My admiration was amplified by the fact that Derf had possessed the imagination and daring to spell his real name, Fred, backward.  Further away by a few blocks were close friends of Mother and Bradley, Al and Marian Gould.  Al was dark-haired, slightly balding and stocky, while Marian was petite, with soft, shell pink flesh, wavy blond hair, pale blue eyes and an aura of sweet innocence.  Marian was more worldly than her appearance suggested and she and my mother were frequently together, laughing, exercising to keep their figures, gossiping. Al and Bradley shared the profession of photography, although Al was a commercial photographer, not a photojournalist. My first modeling experience was posing for him for a Heinz pickle ad, for which I was paid the heady sum of $25.  Once, later, I posed for my stepfather and had my picture in the New York Herald Tribune Sunday magazine for a feature called “Stoppers.”  This was during the Korean War, and the photo brought a flood of letters from servicemen, sad, intriguing, and funny.  The next, and last, modeling experience was not until 1955 in New York City, when Nancy, who worked for a magazine called The American Hairdresser, asked me to model a pony-tail to illustrate a how-not-to-wear-your-hair article.  Later when I occasionally felt the need for extra funds and saw ads in small newspapers seeking models of “all ages,” I thought about those occasions and remember that it was never fun and always somewhat dehumanizing. 

The fourth, fifth and sixth grades at Archer Street School were, on the whole, happy ones, each distinguished by the teacher’s personality and curricular bent.  In fourth grade our teacher, Miss Eby, emphasized poetry and its memorization.  Most of the lines of poetry I can still recite come from that time, (“Under the spreading chestnut tree, the village smithy stands.  The smith a mighty man is he, with large and sinewy hands…..”)  By fourth grade we were sufficiently courageous to compose a little ditty about Miss Eby giving us the heebie jeebies, which wasn’t, in fact, true.  Presumably it was all the poetry that prompted it, for she was generally well liked.  In fifth grade, the emphasis was on math, and it is to the credit of our teacher, Miss Ventress, a middle-age but lively redhead, that I remember that year as a satisfying one.  It was certainly my last encounter with math that didn’t induce trauma.  Mrs. Yarrow, my sixth grade teacher, was a large woman with iron gray hair cut like a man’s, probably close to retirement age, who did not appear to enjoy either her work or her students.  The feeling was mutual.  Behind her back she was known as “the Battleax.”  She frequently yelled at us and would use a ruler to rap the knuckles of any student sitting within range who spokes out of turn or gave the wrong answer.  She also had a nasty habit of throwing chalk, very hard and very fast, at the heads of those out of ruler range who were misbehaving.  Sixth grade was the worst of the elementary school years, but we were all in it together and my classmates and I took comfort from each other.  

When we were not in school, we did the usual things that children do.  In winter we built snowmen and used our sleds.  Sometimes we went to Randall Park, where there was a skating rink, and we wobbled around, weak-ankles curving inward, until our feet became too numb to continue.  Very occasionally there would be a family outing to Bethpage, where there was another park, much larger and more exciting than anything near home, with trails groomed for organized sledding.  Often we would go down two on a sled, one sitting in front, the other behind with arms around the first one, or sometimes we would lie down, one on top of another, and hurtle down steering into the biting wind.    In warmer weather, sidewalks were covered with our chalk hopscotch games, and we rode bicycles, two-wheelers, showing our progress by the eventual disappearance of scabby knees.  And, endlessly, we jumped rope, individually with our own ropes, sometimes very fast—hot pepper, we called it—and sometimes with a long rope, two people holding the ends, while we each skipped through, then went around the other side to do it again.  Or we played high-water, low-water, the rope-holders raising the rope higher off the ground each time until there was only one person left who hadn’t touched the rope while jumping over.  We spent long, dusky summer evenings playing hide-and-seek, and kick-the can.  As we got older, these games sometimes took on a new dimension when hiding with a boyfriend provided the tingle of intimacy, as we crammed ourselves tightly together in a place where we were unlikely to be observed and could lean into each other’s warm breath and body heat.  

Our circle of playmates was always in flux.  There was a girl who lived at the end of our block, Patsy, I think her name was, whom no one liked.  She desperately wanted to be part of our group, and occasionally we would let her play.  Sometimes, in hide-and-seek when Patsy was “it,” everyone would, by consensus, simply go off and leave her watching warily for one of us to sneak back to base and give the cry “Olly olly oxen, all in free,” when, in effect, the game was over.  We didn’t realize how cruel we were, but I cringe remembering it.  Around another corner lived Gregory Fury, a brown-eyed, golden-haired boy with the coloring of a Raphael cherub.  The extent to which he appeared angelic was in inverse ratio to his behavior, which was exceedingly demonic.  One had to be very cautious of Gregory, whose beguiling ways were generally preliminary to unpleasant tricks.  His parents were either dead or divorced and he lived with an aunt. We considered him an orphan, and excused him sufficiently to let him be part of our games if we needed another person.

Sunday, August 02, 2020

SCRAPPY By Ruth Eckles


I think one of the first times I felt truly ‘seen’ as an adult was by my father when I was around 23 years old. I was living in a barely restored tobacco barn in the woods of Chatham county that rented for $150 a month, and my parents were visiting me. I can’t remember the context or the details of the conversation but my dad kind of cocked his head and said “Yeah...you’re pretty scrappy.” The word stuck with me. I didn’t know quite what he meant, but it felt true somehow.
Here’s how Webster defines it:
1.     Consisting of disorganized, untidy, or incomplete parts.
2.    Determined, argumentative, pugnacious. Having an aggressive and determined spirit. Feisty. Tenacious.
Some random person on the Internet writes:
“Scrappy means attitude. Scrappy means not relying on a title to be a leader. Scrappy means being willing to take risks and put yourself out there. Scrappy means having the steely resolve of a street fighter.”
When I ask Joe what he thinks scrappy means he says, “Scrappy energy is raw and unformed. It’s not having proper technique, or classical training, but getting it done with what you have.” It’s the less polished you, the rough draft you; the you that you don’t commonly present to society.
But what if you want to present it to society? What if scrappy, unpolished energy is what you’ve got to offer? Remember Andy Rooney, for God’s sake? He was the rumpled, gray, scruffy, curmudgeonly commentator on the show 60 minutes who would always begin his diatribes with the phrase “Have you ever noticed...?” and complain about everything under the sun. He was allowed to rant on and on about seemingly random things and get a big salary for it. He was allowed to be in the public eye. I don’t think there’s ever been the female equivalent of Andy Rooney on TV.
Have you ever noticed that women are expected to polish themselves way more than men are? I mean, not that Andy Rooney is what I’m aiming for in my societal presentation, but can you imagine a woman getting away with that?
I do think there’s value in showing up in the world as your scrappy, raw, unformed self and allowing others to see that. People may not like it, but that’s not the point. Scrappiness is about the process, not the final product. The way I see it, if you’re showing up to the process and showing up in general--that’s the marker for success; not a polished product or a perfect ending.
Marge Piercy says that “a real writer is someone who writes.” There’s nothing precious about it. Just show up and do the thing--whatever the thing is that you want to do. And keep showing up. That’s how something becomes real.
Many years ago, Joe gave me that same advice when I was struggling with a relationship with a family member. I didn’t want to give up on the relationship, but I was completely baffled as to how to heal it or improve it. I said “I just don’t know what to do.” He said “You don’t have to do anything--just keep showing up.”
It was s0 simple and wise and it gave me such a huge sense of relief. It wasn’t up to me to ‘do something’. There was no big major healing talk or cathartic moment we could have. I didn’t have to change. They didn’t have to change. The most caring thing I could do was just keep showing up and that (sometimes) is enough.
Sometimes just showing up, exactly as you are, and allowing other people to show up exactly as they are, is as loving as it gets. A scrappy street fighter keeps getting up. Despite the hard knocks, they keep moving forward, they keep showing up. Even when it’s hard, even with egg on their face, mismatched socks, and stains on their shirt.
NOTE: None of this comes naturally to me, by the way. I’m a hyper Virgo who struggles with poisonous, paralyzing levels of perfectionism. I’m trying to embrace my scrappiness more. This note is mainly for myself and for anyone else who might find any value in it. I’m also not talking about people running around in the world being jerks to other people...  I'm talking about no longer repressing your soul/spirit, about no longer refusing to engage with the world or your creativity because you're waiting to be a more polished, more perfect version of yourself to participate.


Sunday, July 12, 2020

What is your inner home like? By Ruth Eckles

“As you practice building a home in yourself, you become more and more beautiful.” -Thich Nhat Hanh, from the book “How to Love” I was listening to a podcast the other day and the speaker was talking about “the habitual tone in which we live.” She was talking, basically, about the relationship we have with ourselves—the way we communicate with ourselves, the voice inside our head, the energetic quality of our continual inner dialogue. It was fascinating to think of this as a “tone,”, a sort of background energetic quality, a general vibe. It’s interesting to think about what that tone is like. Is it harsh? Is it friendly? How do we treat ourselves? How do we react when we make mistakes? How do we react when we don’t meet our own expectations? All of these things play a role in setting the internal tone in which we live. For me, it’s interesting to think about it in terms of a house. If I think about the trouble (and expense) we all take to make our homes a nice place to be—a warm place to be, a welcoming place to be, a beautiful place to be, a comfortable place to be. There’s art on the walls, colorful rugs on the floor, soft couches. There’s things to do—TVs to watch, books to read, games to play; something inviting cooking on the stove, enticing smells coming from the kitchen. All of these things help to set up a warm and welcoming home environment. As I play around with the concept of my inner vibe/tone as a home, an environment, a context, I’m asking myself: how welcoming is it, how warm is it, how comfortable is it to be there? Is it a harsh environment? Is it severe? Is it judgmental? Can I relax there? Can I take refuge? Can I be myself there, without judgement? Can I feel free there? Can I have fun? Is it a context where I can thrive and grow? If not, how can I begin to shift that? What might my ideal internal environment feel like, simply as the energetic vibe that I buzz around with in the world? This isn't an intellectual thing...it's basic being. It’s also interesting to think about the actual home environment where you grew up, and the “tone” that it had, the vibe; the stew that formed you. Because often, we’ll create that same energetic quality that it had, as our inner emotional environment. But it doesn’t have to be that way (if it happened to be not-so-happy or ideal). I watched the Bob Dylan documentary on Netflix this weekend (highly recommend—Martin Scorsese did it) and Dylan said “We don’t find ourselves, we create ourselves, and we create things.” I liked that. Perhaps (despite our programming) we can intentionally create our internal homes like a work of art, always changing, shifting, evolving into an environment, an energy, that can support, nurture, welcome, and hold ourselves and the people and communities we are blessed to have in our lives. On Friday, July 3, 2020, 12:26:20 PM EDT, Michael Smith wrote:

Saturday, July 11, 2020

Nancy Gilbert's memories of early moves, from New Orleans to Hot Springs, Ark., and more. First Draft

EARLY YEARS; BIG MOVES...

MOVE 1

When I Iived with Papa and Mama in New Orleans my best friend and neighbor was

Anne Soule – I often went to Sunday School with her. Then there was real school. In first

grade I didn’t know what recess was. When the kids started running outside I thought it

must be lunchtime so I went home. (I think I was returned to school). Second grade was

much better – the school books featured Bob and Nancy and lots of cutting and pasting.

Suddenly my whole life turned around. We were leaving the city and moving to Hot

Springs. I recall being quite upset that I would have to give up my bed...a twin bed just

like Susie’s. It also meant that I couldn’t play with Anne any more.

My mother, unimpressed by the Arkansas public school system, signed me up for third

grade in a Catholic parochial school. I can’t remember much about the classroom topics.

However I was allowed to skip the daily catechism teachings. Sister Roberta let me

doodle while she droned on.

I lived across the street from a classmate who showed me the ropes: how to use holy

water and explained the stations of the cross. I learned “Hail Mary full of grace” by heart

and added a few to my five “Now I Lay Me Down to Sleeps” along with a list of God

blesses for all the family members. I prayed every night at bedtime...carefully spreading

my hair on the pillow so I would look nice if I should die before I woke. I think it was the

prayers that most disturbed my mother.

I missed my old New Orleans home and school and kept a paper bag under my bed

stocked with some snacks and clean underwear – ready to go if I decided to run away.

MOVE 2

Then the family moved out to a big house in the country and I was transferred to the Hot

Springs Public School for fourth grade. We never met Mr. Hendricks, owner of the

house, and a prominent member of the highway commission who had used state funds to

build his dream home. He dammed the stream that ran through the property creating a

lake (stocked with bass) and built a lovely walkway with weeping willows along the

edges. Mrs Hendricks lived in a basement apartment while he was spending his days in

jail. She was very welcoming to me and Susie. We liked to help her make butter with a

glass churn. We were allowed to turn the wooden blades until the cream turned into

butter. Very exciting. The butter was put into a wooden case with a sliding top and

refrigerated.

She also a one-eyed handyman (Charlie?) who took care of everything – including a few

cows. When one of the cows gave birth the calf was named NanSue after us.

It was a happy time for me -- I loved being in the country. There was Susie, Bobby, Terry

and baby Michael to be looked after. No one paid much attention to my excursions. I

crawled across the stream on a fallen log and hiked up the Ozark hills. I discovered a

 

little cave with a stalactite hanging down. Further up there was a cabin of friendly

hillbillies. I found a fenced-in area with a stile...just like in picture books. I climbed over

it and discovered berry bushes – Boyson berries. I found pecan and holly trees. Beautiful

slim sumac trees – I could peel the bark for wands. I thought maybe I’d grow up to be a

naturalist.

I knew little about Bradley’s work for “Hot Springs, the Nation’s Spa.” I just remember

the drive into town with him every day with “Good Morning Breakfast Clubbers” on the

radio. We were always late ...it took me a long time to understand why the teacher always

greeted my arrival with “Merry Christmas, Nancy.”

I suppose I had picked up some information about God and His requirements from the

catechism classes. I began to truly resent Him when I learned that he was always spying

on me -- even when I picked my nose or went to the bathroom. I missed my privacy.

The house was built on a large grassy area and one afternoon there was a fierce

thunderstorm. Pounding rain, great, loud bolts of thunder and lightning. I ran out to the

yard shouting “I don’t believe in you GOD! Go ahead and strike me down!”

Nothing happened. I was free. I was ten.

There was a hammock hanging near the pond where I spent many hours with The Swiss

Family Robinson. I also loved and wept with Little Women.

Two young men lived with us....renting rooms in the big house. They were known as The

Boys. I was especially fond of Dick Slater, a Canadian who was called home to join

Canada’s war effort. I can only remember the first two lines of the awful poem I wrote

for the occasion: Oh, Dick has to go to War. Isn’t that a terrible bore!

Clearly I didn’t know much about war. But not long after Dick left, Japan bombed Pearl

Harbor. I had no notion of what that meant but I could tell that it was serious. I can still

picture Ma and Bradley leaning close to the radio to hear FDR’s speech announcing the

attack and declaring the U.S. at war. December 6, 1941 – A date that will live in infamy!

That year there wasn’t money for Christmas decorations but we dipped used flashbulbs

in glue and glitter. I thought they were beautiful.

I had a black board and loved to draw. I invented Sylitherine. a chalk version of a

beautiful princess. I never wanted to erase her. I also drew a bathtub after Bradley

requested that I draw him a bath. Not sure if I was being creative or stubborn.

MOVE 3

Bradley found a (photo-journalism) job with Click magazine in New York. I’m sure I

finished 4 th grade in Arkansas and began 5 th grade in Freeport but have no memories of

the move to Long Island – maybe Susie and I went to N.O.

 

Houses I remember

I was born in NYC; - we moved to a house near Baton Rouge (where Susie was born). I

think Papa and Mama were involved with some kind of good works??

A house on Maple St. in N.O. It sat on brick piles – \

The little boy next door and I could crawl under the house.

It was where Katherine came to help care for Susie who had undulant fever.

I remember Papa excitedly catching a Luna moth for his collection.

Another house on Walnut St.

I started school _ not sure about kindergarten.

House in Hot Springs...could walk with classmate to school.

House in the country near Hot Spirngs.

It was huge.

House in Freeport, L.I. – 229 Whaley St.

A big house: room for parents, Josie and Daddy, a room for Nancy and Susan,

A room for Terry and Michael, and finally a small room for baby Sharon.

Archer Street School 5 th and 6 th grades

Next to Freeport schools....7 th and 8 th grades

Then 9 th and tenth grades.

Grades 11 and 12 at Oakwood\

Most summers included a month in N.O.

 

Connecticut – Dinglebrook Farm

We all lived in the large Dinglebrook Farm house until after I was married. It was

wonderfully big with a fireplace, barn, chicken house, pond and many acres of woods.

Grades 11 and 12 at Oakwood\

Most summers included a month in N.O.


Sunday, July 05, 2020

Excerpt from Chuang Tzu, Basic Writings, trans. Burton Watson, The Secret of Caring for Life (Columbia Univ. Press, 1964), p. 46-47.

Cook Ting was cutting up an ox for Lord Wen-hui. At every touch of his hand, every heave of his shoulder, every move of his feet, every thrust of his knee - zip! zoop! He slithered the knife along with a zing, and all was in perfect rhythm, as though he were performing the dance of the Mulberry Grove or keeping time to the Ching-shou music.
"Ah, this is marvelous!" said Lord Wen-hui. "Imagine skill reaching such heights!"
Cook Ting laid down his knife and replied, "What I care about is the Way, which goes beyond skill. When I first began cutting up oxen, all I could see was the ox itself. After three years I no longer saw the whole ox. And now - now I go at it by spirit and don't look with my eyes. Perception and understanding have come to a stop and spirit moves where it wants. I go along with the natural makeup, strike in the big hollows, guide the knife through the big openings, and follow things as they are. So I never touch the smallest ligament or tendon, much less a main joint.
"A good cook changes his knife once a year-because he cuts. A mediocre cook changes his knife once a month-because he hacks. I've had this knife of mine for nineteen years and I've cut up thousands of oxen with it, and yet the blade is as good as though it had just come from the grindstone. There are spaces between the joints, and the blade of the knife has really no thickness. If you insert what has no thickness into such spaces, then there's plenty of room - more than enough for the blade to play about it. That's why after nineteen years the blade of my knife is still as good as when it first came from the grindstone.
"However, whenever I come to a complicated place, I size up the difficulties, tell myself to watch out and be careful, keep my eyes on what I'm doing, work very slowly, and move the knife with the greatest subtlety, until - flop! the whole thing comes apart like a clod of earth crumbling to the ground. I stand there holding the knife and look all around me, completely satisfied and reluctant to move on, and then I wipe off the knife and put it away."

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Remembering Harriet McClung Eckles, by her granddaughter Nancy Gilbert


 My two grandmothers could not have been more different. Rosa, my mother’s mother lived a privileged life in New Orleans. Planning dinner meant going to the kitchen and giving orders to the cook.

But my father’s mother, Hattie, convinced that idle hands were the devil’s play
ground, grew her own vegetables and fruits, cooking, canning and preserving them. We ate heartily on those annual visits to Lawton, Oklahoma. Braised rabbit with milk gravy was the Sunday special: the rabbits, to my horror and fascination, were raised in pens in the garage.
Bunnies?!!!

Grandma Eckles was one of a large family that headed west from a small community in West Virginia; their father worried about the gene pool being too small. A sister, Aunt Pearl, ran a boarding house and was known as the fun-loving one. Fun, I suspect, played a rather small role in my grandmother’s life. Her school-teacher husband was more than fifteen years older. She always referred to him as Mister Eckles. A devout Baptist, Grandma was serious, stern, and not to be trifled with. “Behave yourselves,” my parents hissed at my sister and me when we helplessly succumbed to the giggles at dinner. Even my grown-up father carried breath mints so his mother wouldn’t suspect he’d had a drink with his cousins. At 18 he escaped to the freedom of Oklahoma State University – where he played cards and went to dances!

My grandparents’ modest two-story house had once been rural, but the town grew up around it. Gradually they sold off the surrounding lots (my grandfather’s dream of striking oil -- never realized) and the house, a kind of time capsule, stood amid a sea of suburban ranch houses. In front, stands of larkspur bloomed among apricot trees and trumpet vines draped the porch. Behind the house a huge garden went straight through to the street behind.

Best of all was the storm cellar. Just a few yards from the back door, it was a raised, grassy mound with an angled door built into the side. Beneath the door, steps lead down to a small, damp room smelling of earth where rows of sturdy Mason jars testified to the virtues of foresight and frugality. It was cool, dark, spider-webbed and scary. Dashing down the stairs, flashlight in hand, to seek and find a jar of strawberry preserves was a thrilling adventure.  Tornados never hit during our visits, but I loved my father’s tales of narrow escapes  – an Oklahoma tradition.

The tiny living room was dim and suffocating. A glass-fronted bookcase housing Grandpa’s set of the Harvard Classics loomed, out of bounds for children. Every chair had tatted antimacassars and every table displayed Grandma’s embroidery and crocheting.  Nothing escaped her relentless needlework...doilies, tea towels, hand towels, napkins and pot-holders --- all embellished. Every bed had patchwork quilts. Some were crushingly heavy -- made of men’s suiting swatches.

There was a real ice-box. I remember Papa touting the benefits of electric refrigerators with no success. Ditto for modern stoves. Grandma’s iron must have weighed five pounds -- but it did plug in.

On those sultry Oklahoma Sundays we all went to church. I was grateful for the cardboard fans stashed in the pew ahead --- cheerfully imprinted with the name of a local funeral parlor. Every year the minister asked us to stand and be introduced. I felt embarrassed – but important!  Behind the pulpit a painted scene of the River Galilee looked down on a sunken tub where total immersion was practiced.
I never got to see that.

Now, I think of my grandmother when I find myself complaining about not having enough time.  She never wasted a scrap or a minute. She was surrounded by trophies of time well-spent: like this quilt. I look at it and marvel...every patch has a story, every tiny stitch was done by hand. Her hand!  She, and it, are part of a past I will always remember and cherish.

They don’t make them like that anymore!




Monday, June 08, 2020

A richly evocative memoir of Harry Eckles by his son Robert

Papa

My earliest memories of Papa concern his relationship to his job.  Katherine would begin dripping his strong French coffee first thing in the morning.  Papa took a leisurely, hot, tub bath every morning.  I  had access to the bathroom and vividly remember Papa lying in the tub.  Papa was white skinned, hairy, and had a red cherry mole on his chest  Next, he daily shaved off his heavy, black whiskers.  I watched him prepare the shaving cream, apply it with brush.  I got to play at shaving.  He used Lilac Vegetalis as an after-shave.  I could recognize the fragrance anywhere.  Katerine had breakfast on the table like clockwork.  It included at least bacon, eggs, toast, jelly, and coffee, if not grits, potato cakes, or sausage.  Papa sat down to the table dressed for work in his white shirt, tie, and suit trousers with highly shine shoes.  Papa liked to say, “You may not have a million dollars, but you can sure look like you do.”

Occasionally, I got to go to work with Papa.  This included a walk of five or six blocks to the St. Charles streetcar line.  The fare was seven cents.  It was likely we’d stand.  Papa prided himself in being able to hang on to a strap with one hand and read a newspaper folded in quarter sections in the other.  The streetcar was noisy and lurched from side to side.  The conductor clanged a bell, to clear traffic.  He would call out major intersections:  “Napoleon (Ave).”,  “Jackson”, “Louisiana”, “Melpomene”, “Lee Circle”.  We got off in the middle of downtown at the Carondelet Bldg.  The Godchaux Sugar Company was on the eighth floor.  “Gotcha boy with you, huh, Harry”, said Willy, the custodian, a light Negro, with straight, reddish hair.  Papa generously introduced me to all his co-workers.  I still remember names like Mallory, Knobloch, Gates, Rheiman, but have forgotten many.  I even got to meet the boss, Mr. Charles (Godchaux), my uncle.   Papa toured me around the floor, showing me the safe, the key-punch machine and cards, and lofty view from the windows over New Orleans and the nearby Mississippi River.  For the most part, I had a desk, pencils, paper, and entertained myself drawing or making paper clip chains, until it was time for lunch.  Papa ate lunch every day at Tranchina’s.  We walked past a long crowded, noisy bar, before coming to the sandwich counter. A huge pink roast beef was being carved quickly and nonchalantly by a man in a stained white apron.  We ordered the rare roast beef au jus on a French bread “poor boy” sandwich.  Papa had draft beer and I had Barq’s root beer. I never remember a better lunch.  When Papa got home, he would fix mixed drinks to have with Katherine, to close the work day.  This is what Papa did for over thirty years.

All three of us listened to the radio in the evenings. No TV yet. “Amos and Andy” “Jack Benny”, Fibber Mcgee and Molly” stand out, along with catchy product commercials as LSMFT, “Lucky Strike Means Fine Tobacco. At first, Papa smoked cigarettes, then a pipe, and then quit (to save money for film). He could blow smoke rings. 

Papa liked to read the funnies (comics) and read them to me on his lap.  My favorites were “Red Ryder”, “Prince Valiant”, and the “Katz and Jammer Kids”. Papa says he learned to read, by reading the comics.  He enjoyed books as a child: nature books by Ernest Thompson Seton, novels such as Peck’s Bad Boy.

As an adult, He read the novels by Thomas Wolf, Norman Mailer, and non-fiction, notably, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, A Thousand and One Nights, and magazines such as Popular Photography, Popular Mechanics, and the National Geographic. He would refer to the Encyclopedia  Britannica when questions arose. An exasperated family would taunt “Get the book, get the book”.

I never called Papa Harry, but children addressing their parents by first names was considered modern, and Papa and Adele encouraged it with my sisters. But it never caught on.  As Nancy reportedly said, “Other children had Mama’s and Papa’s, not Harrys and Adeles.  Eventually, I began calling my step-mother, Katherine, Mother.

I’m not sure what Papa’s expectations were for me, but I could tell he was interested in how I turned out.  He once said something like, “I raising you so that you can get along with others (be approved by).”   Papa made significant contributions to my growing up; he ushered me through informal rites of passage i.e. my first haircut at Mr. Hubble barbershop on Magazine St., my first 2-wheel bicycle at age twelve, a 26” Schwinn, my 1st shot with his Benjamin pump air pistol, my 1st BB gun, Whamo-sling shot.  I think Papa discovered my 1st pubic hair before I did.  Papa took me places with him like the Audubon Park swimming pool, zoo, the batture behind the levee to visit with the squatters and watch the river rise, to Goose Bayou to collect irises, and to the sacred halls of  the Whitney bank downtown, to meet personnel he regularly met in the course of his job at Godchaux Sugars.  Presumably, these were people who might be prospective employers for me.  I think Papa wanted me to have job, family, and happiness.  Eventually, I’ve become reconciled to these normal, but solid expectations, but not without kicking and screaming.


Written by Robert Eckles, in response from a few questions I had for him.

My step-mother may have had her faults, but “cruel” and “evil” weren’t them.  As to why the marriage broke up, as you say, I was too young to know.  I am reminded of Rodney Dangerfield saying jokingly, “ I was so ugly when I was born that the doctor slapped my mother.”   No, seriously, I was surely  affected by the break up, which no doubt started before my birth.   It was, I think, economic.   Papa, Ma, and Nancy left New York after the crash of ’29, jobless, and Papa hoped to continue his education at LSU in Baton Rouge (Susie’s birthplace).    However, he ran out of money, and had to return to New Orleans.   This was the straw that broke the camel’s back.  Ma left N.O. because she wanted to get away from her family, and getting away from being a “good Jewish wife”.  To be back, and dependent on her family economically was too much.  She is to have said to her father, “I don’t want your damn money”, and threw the bills in his face.   Hearing from you siblings it seems that her relation with bill collectors attests to her disdain for money.  Ma fell in love with Bradley, ironically a friend of Papa’s, who taught him about photography, which was Papa’s true passion.  However, the 30’s were tough times; Papa worked for Godchaux Sugars the next 35 years.  After Terry’s birth, Ma divorced (back then, a scandal) and left with Bradley for Hot Springs, Arkansas.  Papa lived in the French Quarter, I believe, near work, for about a year.  To complicate the story, he then courted, or was courted by, Katherine Sharpe, who was a practical nurse to the Godchaux family, and nursed Susie with malta fever (?) before Papa and Ma got divorced.  When Papa married Katherine, I was 3 or 4.  Ma and Papa decided that I would be raised by Papa and Katherine in New Orleans, and so I was.  They didn’t ask me, but, hey, the food and climate were good.

Written by Robert Eckles